by Jake Hall

published in Family Matters eNewsletter, 7/3/14

It may not surprise you that we ministers geek out on church talk. We cannot help it. This is not a hobby. This is not just what we do for a living. This is what we do. I think that is why I find the life of any congregation fascinating whether it be mission statements or oddball church signs.

Okay, church signs are a genre all their own. I have often wondered from what imagination these stock phrases come. Apparently, there is a website for everything:

If your church is feeling technological.....iPod? iPad? Try iPray…God is listening!

If your church is feeling existential: Death and Taxes. Are you ready for both?

If your church is feeling sassy: 50 Shades of Grace

If your church is feeling punny: 7 days without prayer makes 1 weak

If your church longs for Happy Days:  Always remember that Hell is un-cool.

If your church wants to scare up attendance: Get Right or ‘Git Left (Behind)

Truth be told these signs drive me a little crazy. Maybe the Kingdom of God is found not is kitschy signs but in pointing others to the welcome of God.

I think I have come up with the best church sign...the church sign to end all church signs.

Maybe the best church sign simply says: We are open....

We are open to all and closed to none. Period. No puns. No Jokes. No Kidding.