A Season of Grief and Healing, Stage 5: Acceptance

By Kam Cook

Stephen Ministry Coordinator

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Acceptance is more than just acknowledging the reality of our loss. Humans don’t resolve or recover from loss - we become reconciled to it. With reconciliation comes full acceptance of the reality of our loss, cognitively, emotionally, and spiritually. What has been acknowledged in our heads is now understood in our hearts. The journey requires us to descend to the depths before we can ascend and transcend. In respecting and taking time to mourn and grieve, we bring integrity to the deep pain that is ours. The wounds of our heartbreak will heal, but the scars will always remain.

Acceptance doesn’t mean we are okay with the loss or that the grieving process is officially over - we will never “get over” it. Acceptance is not about liking the situation; it is about acknowledging all that has been lost and learning to live with it. There is no one great moment of reconciliation; instead, there are a series of subtle changes and incremental steps. Our journey through our wilderness of grief will become part of who we are and will always live inside us. However, our acceptance involves the actions we take to put our loss into perspective. Accepting what is in each moment and mindfully living in the present encourages healing and enhances the quality of our lives. We will begin to live again, but we can’t do so until we have given grief its time. Instead of denying our feelings, we need to listen to our needs.

It is only when we accept the hurt within us that we will begin to move forward in a healthy manner. Acceptance enables us to begin the process of reintegration, of trying to put back the pieces that have been ripped away. We will never return to our “old normal” but, instead, acceptance will lead us to discover our “new normal” and allow us to welcome changes into our lives. HHBC must accept that we can’t maintain our past church intact – our past has been forever changed and we must adapt. Acceptance gives us a renewed sense of meaning and purpose at HHBC; it gives us the drive to direct our church towards the future God envisions for us; it gives us the potential to grow; it gives us the opportunity to heal.

Redirecting our energy and initiative toward the future takes longer - and involves more hard work – than most people comprehend. Step by step, we will withdraw our energy from our loss and begin to invest it in life. Our energy and confidence will be renewed, our desire to become reinvolved in church activities will be reawakened …. we will move …. we will change …. we will grow …. we will evolve.

Accepting the finality and permanence of our loss is painful, but it allows healing to grab hold. Healing involves remembering, recollecting, and reorganizing. Real life and real grief are never neat and tidy. We will cease to be angry with others, ourselves and God, but we will never actually understand “why?” or find closure (defined as the state of being closed, bringing to an end, a conclusion) because it is impossible to end an ongoing process.

Accepting the reality of our losses does not mean we have betrayed the staff and church we have loved; reconciliation affirms that pain is intrinsic to the gift of giving and receiving love. Although our staff members are no longer at HHBC, we have not lost our connections to them because we can still reach out to them here in Macon. However, our acceptance frees us to invest in new connections and meaningful relationships, to form new interdependencies in our church family.

Reinhold Niebur’s Serenity Prayer calls us to accept God’s healing power: God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It reminds us to pray for the serenity to become comfortable with the way things are rather than attempting to recreate them as they were; it reminds us to be willing to make changes that will help us better serve and glorify our Father; it asks for the wisdom to discern what God would have us do. HHBC will engage new staff; we will find a new vision and direction; we will find new meaning and purpose. Lord, give us the strength to survive and thrive.

Overwhelmed by the pandemic, our church crises and personal concerns, many of us are finding it so hard to accept our lives as they are. Our Stephen Ministers have been trained to walk by your side and give you comfort and support on your journey. For more information on how Stephen Ministry can provide you with confidential, nonjudgmental one-to-one lay pastoral care, contact Referrals Coordinator Peggy Williams at (478) 719-3340 orpjwms12@gmail.com.

Recognizing that God is the ultimate Cure Giver, the Mission of the Highland Hills Baptist Church Stephen Ministry is to serve God and bring Christ’s healing love to individuals who are experiencing life’s challenges through confidential, non-judgmental, one-on-one Christian care.