A Season of Grief and Healing, Stage 6: Finding Meaning in Transformation

By Kam Cook

Stephen Ministry Coordinator

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and bring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble and forgive all my sins. Psalm 17-18

Acceptance is a process we experience, not an end product. While we can’t change what happened and we may never understand why, each of us can choose to make our grief process more meaningful. Meaning doesn’t require understanding: our loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing; our loss is simply what happened to us. Meaning is what we make happen.

Meaning takes time; it may not be found for months or even years. In our search for meaning, we may have asked many “how” and “why” questions; we may have questioned the meaning and purpose of our lives; we may have confronted our lack of control and feeling powerless; we may have reconsidered our philosophy of life and explored our religious values; we may have questioned our spirituality, doubted our faith and addressed our spiritual conflicts; we may have felt our distance from God, even questioned the very existence of God.

Grief forces us to change, and change is difficult. We fear change - it means having to leave the familiar behind and step into the unknown: we may have to redefine how we think of ourselves; we know it will alter the dynamic of our familiar church family.

Change isn’t necessarily bad - our journey through grief can be life-changing. Time doesn’t heal all wounds – we heal because of what we do with that time. Each of us has within us the power to transform our grief into something else, something rich and fulfilling. While acceptance occurs in our hearts, transformation happens in our souls. Finding meaning helps us make sense of our grief; it changes us and empowers us to move forward.

Transformation is growth - it helps us arrive at new insights and decisions about how to live our new lives. The more we have invested, the more we have to reinvest. We are transformed when we choose to be present, to live with intention and action, to seek joy and transformation. Below are some ways transformation nourishes our souls.

Attending to things that give life richness and purpose. Exploring our assumptions about life can transform our values and priorities, resulting in a heightened sense of the beauty of our lives and a richer and more life-affirming new normal. We also grow when we develop new interests.

Embracing our vulnerability. There is powerful potential for transformation when we learn to embrace our vulnerability. Vulnerability – that which is genuine, authentic, connecting and life-affirming - opens our hearts not only to healing but also to more joy. We at HHBC have opened our hearts to our vulnerability in recent months through our shared tears, prayers, and worship.

Fulfilling our destiny by developing our soul’s potential. Learning to use our God-given potential is transformational. When our church asks soul-searching question like “Who are we?” “What are we meant to become?” we embrace and creatively express our newfound potential and ask God to use our potential to better serve Him.

Striving to give back what others have given us. Going through our own struggles and grief has made us realize that working through wounds unites us with others. Our pain has made us more empathic, compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others. Our new Pastoral Care Team and a renewal of our Stephen Ministry are indications of a greater concern for the needs of our church family

Having gratitude for family and friends. We are transformed when we learn to value our family and friends more, when we deepen existing relationships and form new ones.

Finding passion in ministering to others. We find the transformative power of healing through helping others. When people give of themselves, they also receive. There are so many opportunities for us to address the needs of our congregation and community, including the Pastoral Care Team, Mission Committee Micah Projects, Bereavement Committee, and other service-oriented opportunities here at HHBC.

Living a useful life by using our gifts. We are all responsible for discovering our gifts and using them. Later this year, Stephen Ministry will be presenting a series on “Developing Your Spiritual Gifts” as a means of helping us discern where our gifts can be put to the best use. We hope this will develop in our members newfound strength and self-confidence to be more active in the life of the church. Opportunities for using our God-given gifts at HHBC include assuming leadership roles; serving on committees and teams; leading worship; teaching Sunday School, VBS and Bible Study; singing in the choir, serving as a Stephen Minister, just to mention a few.

Enriching our faith. Our search for meaning has the potential to give us a richer and deeper faith as we grow in wisdom, understanding and compassion.

Search for meaning will lead each of us along divergent paths. If you need someone to walk along your side on your journey to finding meaning in your life, our Stephen Ministers have been trained to do so. For more information on how Stephen Ministry can provide you with confidential, nonjudgmental one-to-one lay pastoral care, contact Referrals Coordinator Peggy Williams at (478) 719-3340 or by email.

Recognizing that God is the ultimate Cure Giver, the Mission of the Highland Hills Baptist Church Stephen Ministry is to serve God and bring Christ’s healing love to individuals who are experiencing life’s challenges through confidential, non-judgmental, one-on-one Christian care.